I'm forever destined 

to be an old soul, 

a wanderer of the earth, 

a reckless one, 

a free & wild spirit, 

never and always alone...

 

 

 

Blue Like Jazz... an excerpt

I just finished [re]reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz. I highly recommend

this book!!  Here is an excerpt from the last chapter of the book:

    "I was watching BET one night, and they were interviewing a 

man about jazz music. He said jazz music was invented by the

first generation out of slavery. I thought that was beautiful

because, while it is music, it is very hard to put on paper; it is so

much more a language of the soul. It is as if the soul is saying

something, something about freedom. I think Christian spirituality

is like jazz music. I think loving Jesus is something you feel. 

I think it is something very difficult to get on paper. But it is no 

less real, no less meaningful, no less beautiful. 

   The first generation out of slavery invented jazz music. It is a 

music birthed out of freedom. And that is the closest thing I 

know to Christian spirituality. A music birthed out of freedom. 

Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody 

closes their eyes and lifts up their hands."

for a moment...

 Sitting on 

      my quaint 

little porch

     of my quaint

   little home, 

 the sweet aroma

of my

french-pressed 

                 coffee

fills my nostrils... 

       the soft breeze

kisses my skin, 

  while the 

         birds

sing to me

     sweet melodies,

 & the trains

 sound their whistles, 

     greeting me

as they

  pass by... 

a glimpse of

    a dark, vibrantly 

colored

       butterfly

catches my eye... 

   a bird perches

on my 

   rocking chair

to say hello... 

  thunder 

         rumbles 

in the distance, 

  whispering to me

of the storm

        rolling in... 

and 

for a moment, 

    all is well 

with the

       world.  

a prayer...

God, 

   I'm writing you 

this prayer,

     because I 

cannot seem to 

   slow my mind

long enough 

    to focus on 

one thing

       right now... 

I have a 

    million 

thoughts, ideas,

     & questions

swirling around 

    in my head... 

I've spent 

    all afternoon 

trying to do 

      ten different 

things at once, 

   & I haven't 

gotten very far

on  any

    of them... 

Someone asked

    me today

how the 

      readjustment 

was going... 

I've either

    been jetlagged

 out of my mind

   of very sick 

since I've 

   been back, 

and today is 

the first day

   I've felt 

somewhat decent

  and have just 

sat... 

  

 honestly I 

feel almost 

   depressed

being back... 

  though I know 

I shouldn't, 

     and you 

taught me

long ago how 

    to be content

wherever I am... 

but,

    it is hard 

when you feel 

     like your 

heart is on 

  the other side

of the world. 

There are so 

       many things

to decide, 

   and so many 

questions

    in my head...

Where do I 

   even start? 

 Father, 

    tell me what 

my next step 

 is... open the

right door 

   & close all 

the others... 

  give me wisdom

& guidance, 

      patience

           & 

            love... 

Your will, 

   not mine... 

Your timing, 

      Lord...

Guide me

    step by step,

day by day. 

I trust You. 

   Calm my 

heart, Lord... 

   give me

peace

    of mind

and spirit. 

I cannot do 

     anything

without You.

 You have 

a way of

reminding me

      of this

when I start

  to feel 

     self-reliant... 

  At once,

I am strong,

     independent

and yet 

 weak &

     completely 

dependent

      on You... 

Align my 

     will

with Yours, 

   Oh God... 

Surround me 

   with your

presence. 

 Shut out

the million 

   thoughts, 

worries, 

  & distractions

that keep 

   me from 

solely 

   focusing 

on You. 

I love you. 

-M

with these two hands...

With these two hands,

    I go very early

to fetch a jar

         of water

for the day... 

   I am up with 

the birds as they

     begin to sing

their songs to 

          the world

in the soft

    morning light,  

 before the sun's 

       beams have 

begun to peak

    over the 

          mountains... 

With these two hands, 

    I care for my 

baby sister, 

       making sure that

she is bathed

  and, when there is food, 

fed... 

    I comfort her

when she cries, and 

clothe her for the 

            day... 

I sit in a circle

    with other children

and, with these two 

   hands, play a game

with lava rocks

     at the foot of 

the volcano... 

   the sounds of 

the city fill

      my ears... 

  the bustle of  

people at the 

       markets, 

 motorbikes and

   other vehicles

slowly bounce

        along the

pothole-ridden 

   dirt and gravel 

roads, 

    babies cry in 

the distance... 

   I press these two 

hands together

     in a quiet

prayer... 

With these two hands, 

    I wipe the dust

and the tears

    from my face... 

   tears of sadness

and regret...

With these two hands, 

   I begin to draw

my story

   on an old

 white handkerchief... 

  the markers

bleeding 

      into the fabric... 

 With these two hands, 

     I was forced to kill

my parents... 

        orphaned by 

my own two hands... 

I was forced

          to do 

    unspeakable things

with these 

      two hands... 

   the weight 

        of which 

you will never 

    know...

 With these two hands,

     I barely

         escaped

the rebels... 

   I walked

          for days

in the bush

   before someone

       found me... 

  These two hands

I raise high 

     into the air

to praise the God

   who brought me

out of death

   and into new 

       life... 

  and gave me

      peace

         &

        joy

beyond what 

    I can understand...

Now, with these 

       two hands, 

I lead the 

      other children

in songs

     of peace,

using an old

        jerrycan

as a drum, 

   and wood 

for drumsticks...

  These two hands

now join the hands

      of others

           as we dance

together

   and sing songs

of hope & forgiveness... 

  With these two hands,

I hope to show my 

      people a better way... 

a way

   of peace. 

Writings from Africa...

     ~ The following is a combination of journaling, "poems", stream of consciousness, quotes, sidenotes, verses, doodles, stories I was told, etc. while I was in Africa. There is much more to come, [I haven't even written about my time in Goma, Congo yet!] but I wanted to catch up on what I had written thus far. There are a couple of previous posts before this one that talk about the 3 days we spent in Kigali, Rwanda.

April 22nd

       Benson (the one leading the training in the Empower program) traveled with us from Kigali to Gisenyi, the village on the border of Rwanda and Congo, where the Empower training was to take place. After we arrived at the Catholic guest house where we were to stay, and after walking around the village, to the beach, and back, we sat down for dinner.  We discussed many things, including Joseph Kony and Invisible Children's Kony2012 campaign.  It was very interesting hearing from him about his thoughts on it, as well as America's decision to send military advisers to help the Ugandan army track Kony down and take him to the International Criminal Court. After a somewhat heated discussion, we moved on to other topics.. "Ask me a question, Morgan. Anything." Okay, I said. I began to tell him about my art, and how I use it as a tool to educate people about what is going on in Central and Eastern Africa, and inspire them to learn more and get involved.  "So," I said, "what do I need to know, or what are things that I should include in or convey through my art?

       "The world is trying [to]/keeping us from moving forward...

    by forcing us to keep looking backwards. 

         We don't have rear-view mirrors to help us go behind us/backwards...

    we have them to equip us to get to where we are going...

         We must focus on looking forward, not the past. The past we must

    use as a tool to move forward."

_____________________________________________________________________

April 23rd

    I have so much writing to catch up on, but as I stand looking out over the Catholic guest house, towards Lake Kivu under a great lightning storm, the wind whipping my floor-length skirt around my legs, I feel compelled to write about today, instead of taking time to go back and write about the previous days.  

    I am learning so much from talking with Benson, and hearing from the other trauma care counselors from Congo.  I am learning the importance and great need for trauma care here, and around the world.  I am gaining so much perspective from Benson about the Ugandan people. "The people/the victims are the ones that are ignored..." he says with great emphasis, "they were the ones excluded from the peace talks years ago. It is their voices that are needing to heard before real peace can come.  The government, the rebels, and the people/victims all have very different views of what peace looks like.  The people are the majority and should have the most influence on what peace should look like in Uganda."
    Benson is from Gulu, Uganda, and is from the same clan as Joseph Kony.  "We speak the same language." He and his family have suffered much from Kony's army. He has lost siblings and other family members due to the wars that were in Northern Uganda. During this time, he rode to the most dangerous areas to tell people about Christ. He risked his life to get to these people because of his love for God, and his love for the people of Uganda.  He loves his homeland so very much. 

     He spoke to me today at great length about many things while Bethany and Matthew were at the internet cafe, and while Jessie napped.  We stood here right where I am sitting now for hours and hours. He told me of his mother, who greatly encouraged him to study and become educated, and how much he respects her. He told me of when he was a boy, how she would carry big jugs, food, etc. to he and his twin sister while they were at school studying; how she would call to them to help her when she drew near, and they would run out to help her take the jug off of her head... how she would then lie face down and have them press on her back to pop it... how they'd had no idea how much pain she'd suffered till much later... how her back is now crooked from the heavy loads she had to carry... He told me of his cousin who was a thief, and how he'd been stoned to death... 

     He told me of a woman and her young child (who was just learning how to speak), who lived in a village that was attacked by the LRA some years ago.  They came into her home and took all the food that she had harvested to feed themselves.  The chickens the armies confiscated were usually saved to give to the commanders of the rebel armies.  They grabbed the woman and her child and took them to the commander.  They tried to force her to eat the chicken, but she refused.. over and over again. What none of them knew, was that government troops were surrounding the camp.  All of the sudden,  troops fired a flame thrower-like gun right into the circle where she and her young child sat. Bullets began to rain down on the camp.  The woman, in shock, just sat there, numb.  Her barely speaking child then yelled, "mama run!", then she snapped out of her stupor and ran with her child... she and the commander collided, and he yelled for her to get out of his way.  So she kept running further and further into the mountains, all alone with her child.  Along the way she met up with one person trying to get home, then another, who was able to lead them back home.  

      He also told me of his vision for a center in Northern Uganda for trauma therapy, the reconstruction of the region, sustainability projects, etc.  I told him of my ideas and dreams for enabling kids/people to tell their own stories through art & creativity, my passion for Africa that God has given me, etc. We talked at great length about this, and the possibility of us working together in the future.  I love so much his passion and his heart. We are kindred spirits, he and I... so similar in many ways.  Oh my heart... how happy I would be if God put us together to work together!

       I told him of my dreams of the boys I'd had a couple weeks before we left... He said to me, if God was using that dream to call you to work in a specific place in Africa, if that's what that dream was, it is either to C.A.R, East Congo, or Southern Sudan, where the violence is...  [or perhaps if/when I move to Africa, I will be working in all those places.] 

________________________________________

In one of our sessions in the training, Benson told us of a group of women who were abducted by the rebels, and were forced to kill men they found with their teeth, then to find their livers and eat them.  The purpose of him telling us this story was to ask us which of the 5 senses would one become traumatized by in this circumstance.  All 5 senses were involved in this... but different people will be traumatized by different senses, even though they experienced the same thing.  One could be traumatized by the taste of blood, another by the sound of the men's screams, another by the gruesome sight.  These are the situations and kinds of trauma that we were being prepared to deal with this week, because this is the reality that these people live in.

_________________________________________

   Benson often speaks in parables and/or tells true stories when trying to convey concepts.  "Once there was a woman and her husband who fought all the time. The woman went to a witch doctor to have her bring love back to their home.  The witch doctor went into another room and put water, put something in it to give it come coloring, then put it in a bottle, and gave it to the woman, telling her it was a kind of medicine.  The witch doctor told her to go into another room whenever she and her husband started to quarrel, and put some of the "medicine" in her mouth.. She couldn't spit it out, or her children would die. She couldn't swallow it either, or she herself would die.  

    The next time her husband started quarreling, she did what she was told.  She found that she could not speak without swallowing or spitting out the "medicine", so she was forced to stay silent as her husband hurled insults at her and her mother.  Over time, weeks turned to months, and her husband started to realize that his wife no longer fought back, and he realized that he must be the problem.  He went to her and apologized for being such a bad husband and that he wanted to start a "new life". 

     The woman went back to the witch doctor, exclaiming that the medicine had worked to fix her marriage, and had brought love back into her home. The witch doctor then explained that it was her silence, not the "medicine" that had made the difference.  

__________________________________________

April 24th

The sound   

      of singing

filters over the 

  mountain

and 

     through

the muggy 

   air

this morning

    as I 

stand looking 

    over

the compound. 

A chorus of 

      birds

near and

     far

  fill my 

      ears,

accompanied

     by the 

sound

    of 

       light rain

kissing the 

    earth... 

Birds soar

    overhead... 

steam rises 

      from 

metal chimneys

   that lead 

to the kitchen... 

the African 

       landscape

 calls to me... 

    Down in the 

dining hall,

   a crucifix

hangs

   above the 

bar area... 

    sounds from 

the kitchen

       filter through

the place, 

         through the 

sound of the 

    news on the

television in the 

       corner... 

French 

     fills 

 my ears,

    instilling 

excitement

        for 

learning 

     the language

so I can 

    communicate 

 in a wide

         variety 

of countries... 

Already, I 

   can 

understand

     bits and 

pieces

   here and 

there... 

______________________________________________

   The rebels captured 10 girls. Sylvia was one of them. She was 14 years old. They sent the other 9 back to their homes, and kept Sylvia and gave her as a wife to a man her father's age.  She had 3 children over 5 years. As she was escaping, the rebels were all together, and her husband was a commander.  She slept outside with two of her children, all face down.  She took each and tied one to her back and one to her stomach... she jumped over rebel after rebel to escape. Her children were silent all the way to the end of the compound where they were being held captive.  She walked down main roads at 1,2,3am... At dawn, when she could see if someone was coming, she jumped into the bush. Because her husband was a commander, when they realized that she was gone, they went running after her... "she cannot go far, she has children..." 

    They passed her far and came back, and made their way back to camp.  She counted each one to make sure they'd all gone back.  She got back on the main road, till it was 3pm.  When she reached home, she was in disbelief/shock. Before she had been captured, she had been the most loved in her village, but she could not do anything to be loved like she was before... she said, "I will get a husband, then I will be loved." She got a husband, but it didn't take long before he would say, "rebel woman! these children are rebel children!" She became very angry with God.  

(Benson told us of this to show some of the different stages/effects/responses of trauma)

_______________________________________________

Joseph spoke of the boys at the Peace Lives Center who are suffering from bad dreams. The boys that like smoking, etc. were the ones that had the worst dreams.  The counselors help calm them down and pray with them.  The guitar helps them to calm down.  

    Many of the boys were taught that killing was just a game, growing up.  Now, the dreams are filled with memories from war, killing, etc.  These dreams often led others to smoke.

    We were taught some breathing exercises to teach the traumatized to help calm them down and relax. Benson explained that it wasn't the cigarettes that calmed the boys down, it was the deep breathing involved that actually calmed them.  

________________________________________________

5:45pm

 How incredible

           it has been      

  to learn more 

      about trauma

care with 

    and from

all these 

      amazing people!

 My hear is 

     so glad 

and so 

    grateful

   for this 

 opportunity

to sit 

   at these 

 people's feet

        and hear 

  their stories,

      and their 

   dreams

for the 

    children,

their healing, 

   their rehabilitation, 

their futures... 

How incredible

      the beauty 

of Africa! 

        The perfection

of the hours 

    spent

standing alone, 

     at the 

        mercy

of threatening 

    thunderclouds

above me... 

     the sky opening

wide and 

     raining down

on me, 

     beating harder

and harder, 

   as if to 

        cleanse me

            and 

      wash me

              anew...

    

soaking

    me

 from head

    to foot... 

so much 

   that it 

almost 

     becomes

difficult 

   to even 

open my 

      eyes

in the 

    torrential 

rain... 

  I continue

to stand 

   on the 

edge of 

     the balcony, 

letting 

    the 

      rain

have its way

    with me, 

as I fight 

    the urge 

       to run

down the 

   steps

to the 

    courtyard

 and dance

to the 

    rythm

 of the 

   steady rain

and 

  the choir

practicing 

   somewhere

in the 

   not too far

distance... 

  sending 

      up

sweet, sweet

   melodies

that I cannot  

     understand,

the beauty 

   and 

 mesmerizing 

        power

of which 

   cannot be 

described 

       nor 

         fathomed... 

Rain drops

     caress my 

face

    and run 

down my 

       neck... 

the chill 

      the rain 

brings

    began 

to set 

   in my 

      bones... 

then, the 

    rain ceased, 

and the 

    clouds

separated

        just 

enough for 

     the sun

to burst 

      through 

and just 

    barely touch 

the trees 

    and roofs

with warmth... 

 A soft, 

    golden haze

began to 

        spread

everywhere 

    my eyes 

could see... 

 Birds soared through 

      the air

with excitement

         and energy... 

the choir 

     grew 

        louder... 

the colors

      soft 

and warm... 

 the colors 

of the earth.. 

 the unbelievable 

beauty of it all 

     drew tears

to my eyes... 

   Just when 

        I thought

that nothing 

    could possibly

make this 

    moment

any more

       perfect, 

     I turned 

around,

   and over a 

 nearby

    mountain, 

I saw 

    a rainbow, 

shining 

     brightly

for all 

     to see... 

a sign, 

   given us

by God

     thousands 

of years ago, 

as a promise

   of his 

love 

   & 

    faithfulness.

At this 

      sight, 

I was rendered

   speechless... 

who am I, 

           Lord, 

to behold

    such 

      beauty? 

    Will you 

allow me 

    to return

to these 

       countries? 

What are    

      your plans

for me, 

    God? 

Do not

   make me 

wait much 

    longer, 

        Lord! 

Give me

      patience, 

 Lord, 

    for your

timing.

_______________________________________________

9:50pm

In my time 

   in Africa

so far, 

   I have 

learned the 

      importance

of storytelling. 

 Benson speaks

in parables

     and tells 

stories all 

  the time, 

the same 

   way

that Jesus 

    did... 

Stories and 

   personal 

       accounts

are so 

    very 

      powerful, 

and can 

   convey 

concepts, 

     ideas, 

theories, 

        etc. 

in a very 

    effective 

way

    that is 

easily 

   understood

and 

   is not 

      easily 

         forgotten.

Storytelling 

   has been 

       used 

since the 

   beginning 

of time. 

 I have 

    realized 

that we 

   do not 

incorporate 

       it 

     enough,

or rather, 

    not in the

 most 

    effective 

   ways.

Americans 

    use 

 artificial 

     scenarios

from movies, 

   propaganda, 

etc. 

  for examples

to get a 

    point across... 

Here in 

     Africa, 

 they use

   stories of 

the land - 

  farming, 

herding, 

   harvesting, 

etc.

they use

     their own 

stories of 

   pain, 

heartache, 

   and loss... 

they tell 

     stories of 

their tribes

   and clans... 

their families, 

etc.

   So pure

and true

     in form.

The way 

   they speak

of these 

    things

is so 

  captivating... 

_____________________________________________

10:15pm

Can't. Stop. Writing...

     I could spend every free moment writing and not catch up 

with all that I need to write about. Hopefully the journey back 

will allow me time and energy to do so. But for now... 

I must sleep. Lala Salama! ("sweet dreams" in Swahili)

______________________________________________

... one more...

   "But [she] treasured up all these things
 and pondered them in her heart."
                                    - Luke 2:19

_______________________________________________

...last one...

  The stars
shine
   so bright
here...

 They put off
every color
you
   can
   think of...
and we're
  only talking
about one
     single
star...

  Also,
    I do not
recognize
       any
 constellations
          here...

I am one
    very
      acquainted
with
    star gazing,
and I
    can say
that I
     have
        never
seen
   stars
 like
   these
in my
     life!

 They are
     brilliantly
bright
      &
       full of
color...
     we wonder
if the
    volcanic
          atmosphere
plays any part...

___________________________________________________________________________

 April 28th

During our talk the other night, Benson lectured me on being single. In their culture, marriage is a huge deal. There is something wrong with you if you do not get married.  He spoke many parables and proverbs, and quoted Scriptures, but there was one thing that stuck out to me.  He began to talk about God creating Adam and Eve, and how Eve was formed when God took one of Adam's own ribs and used it to form her from it.  She was created out of Adam, for Adam.  Therefore, he said, woman was made for man and to be with man.  I wish I could remember his exact wording... I talked to him about Paul, and his views on marriage, etc. as well as different circumstances, and ultimately trusting in God's timing and His purposes. 

_________________________________________________

    "Above all, love each other deeply,

because love covers a multitude of sins.

Offer hospitality to one another without

grumbling. Each one should use

whatever gift he has received to serve

others, faithfully administering God's grace

in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he

should do it as one speaking the very

words of God. If anyone serves, he should

do it with the strength God provides,

so that in all things God may be praised

through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory

and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

   Dear friends, do not be surprised at the

painful trial you are suffering, as though

something strange were happening to you.

But rejoice that you participate in the

sufferings of Christ, so that you may be

overjoyed when his glory is revealed."

                                 1 Peter 4: 8-13

________________________________________________

      There was a story of a rich man who had a problem with his eyes. He sought for treatment everywhere, but could not find one that worked.  He finally found a good doctor who told him that everything he ate and saw must be green.  Everything was painted green for him by his workers. One day, the doctor came to see the improvement… when they saw someone coming who was not green, they ran at him with green paint, and painted the man green.  He asked, “Why are you painting me green?” They explained what the good doctor had ordered.  The doctor replied, “Can you paint the whole world green?” What is the answer? “Maybe he should get green colored glasses,” someone answered.  It is the lens through which you see the world that makes the difference.

________________________________________________

   "What only all a clan can solve, a man thinks he can solve."

________________________________________________

  Benson asked the trauma counselors at the training, "Why do you want to help those who are

suffering?"

     "I want people to not go my way."

            "I feel pity on others who are suffering."

  "I went through trauma without knowing it, but someone recognized it and helped me through it."

                             "It is when I put myself in the shoes of those who are suffering when I want to help."

         "I was asking myself about crazy people and why...

     I did not have the answer.... and I learned about the

     situation through the course of psychology. So I

     decided to learn psychology so I can help those who

     are crazy."

                                               "I was stirred by the story of the good Samaritan, and was struck by the

                                          position of those that did not help the man. This stirred me to help others in

                                          their suffering."

   "I was separated by the events my country is going through

 and what would happen if we don't help them. We would

 have an entire community of traumatized people."

                     "My mother had her mind troubled and this was because my father was killed

                by a weapon in a city.  When I heard, I thought that there are people who become

                crazy in difficult situations and was motivated to help those in situations as my

                mother who died."

           

                                                         "I saw orphans going through what I had experienced. They were

                                                    having difficulty sleeping so I wanted to help."

     "I would say counseling is one of the best professions in the world:

               'For unto us a child is born,

                       to us a son is given,

            and the government will be on

                   his shoulders.

            And he will be called

                       Wonderful Counselor,

                Mighty God,

                    Everlasting Father,

                           Prince of Peace.'

                  - Isaiah 9:6"

__________________________________________________

There is

   a

      perspective

change

    that must

happen

    after learning

 about

       trauma...

You begin

     to realize

 that everyone

      has experienced

trauma

    in their

         lives

that has

    shaped

        the way

 they think

     and

 behave.

 When you

     come

       to the

level

   of understanding

this,

   you can

         look at

an obnoxious 

    child/person,

or someone

      who has

anxiety

     issues,

commitment

          troubles,

or violent

     tendencies,

and can

        see

past

  these things

and

      see the

cause of

   their behavior,

and can

    begin

to care

   for them,

and strive

   to help them

understand

      and overcome

their traumas.

 Judgments

      must cease...

cold shoulders

          no more...

only love

    and

       acceptance

can build

    the trust

required

     to encourage

them to

     open up

and

   move past

their

   heartaches. 

__________________________________________

___________________________________________

 "We always look for a thing, circumstance, or person

to attach the problem to or blame.  I nothing can be

found, we blame God.

          ex. We all have different reasons/opinions why Congo

     is in the state that it is in. We think that the solution is the

     cause.  

   Many times we are fighting for a truth that we will never

know. We waste so much time trying to find the cause, that

we neglect to help the people who need it/are suffering."

__________________________________________

    The LRA kicked in the door to a hut & found a woman 6 months pregnant and asked for her

husband. "He is with another wife," she said.  The rebels forced her to take them to the husband.

She led them to her husband, and they asked the man if this woman was his wife, and the man

said yes. The rebels then forced him to have sex with her before all of them to prove that she was

his wife. Then they asked about the second wife, and forced him to do the same thing. After this,

they beat the man almost to death.  He had thought that this humiliation would have spared him...

Up to now he is disabled.  The woman now feels guilt and blames herself for leading the rebels

to him, as she has to see him struggle daily.  Is she a bad person? No! Being forced to do things

does not make you the one at fault. Knowing the truth helps keep us from being

traumatized.

__________________________________________

   The rebels speak lies to the boys to keep them from escaping:

         They came and abducted many people. This commander walked

     straight to a man and said, "You want to escape. A spirit has told me

     that you want to escape."

         The boy said he believed him for sure, even though everyone who

       has been forcefully captured is thinking of how to escape.

    You see, the rebels use the obvious to lie and instill fear into their

  captives.

         

___________________________________________

 Omens of bad things ahead, found in the culture:

                - "If your eyes twitches/shakes, someone is going to die."

                - "If an owl cries, someone in the village will die."

                - "A bad voice at the door or a window."

                - "If you see cats mating."

                - "While kids are playing, they make guns, they will think

                  a war is coming."

                - "A woman is putting cassava bread on a plate. If there is

                  a hole in the center, it is bad fortune.

                - "If it is raining while it is sunny, a lion is giving birth."

                - "When walking at night and you come to feel warm and go

                  further and see lights, if you do not go to a witchdoctor, you

                  will die."

                - "A child should not sit on a grinding stone, or your mother

                  will die."

       "Children can be traumatized by these omens, that hold no truth to them anyway. The truth about

the grinding stone is, children don't clean themselves well, and it is unsanitary for them to sit on a

grinding stone."

"You are not traumatized if you know the truth."

__________________________________________________

     "For I know the plans I have for you,"

declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and

not to harm you, plans to give you hope and

a future."

___________________________________________________

   The people in our tribe hate Joseph Kony so much. Even to where they come to

say, "He deserves to pay." But dwelling on such things is unhelpful.

____________________________________________________

 

   "If you do good work, my heart will be connected to yours."

                                                            - Benson

____________________________________________________

  

 ____________________________________________________

I hear

    the rain

before

     I see it...

the rain

     drops

  hit the

tin roofs

  in the

distance...

   

 louder

     &

     louder

the sound

       grows...

then,

all around

     the rain

arrives...

    the sun

is still

   shining,

reflecting

     off of

   our faces

as we

     sit around

and chat

  out on

      the balcony...

As Benson

        has said,

somewhere in

   Gisenyi,

a lion

    is giving

birth...

  Jessie & I

sit

   on the

       mat

I bought

    in Kigali,

as Benson

    continues

on with

  his

    storytelling...

______________________________________________________________________

April 26th

[Acholi worship song]

Ipore awora (x2)                             You are worthy to be worshipped

Ipore rwat ipore (x2)                       You are worthy Lord, you are worthy

Ipore me apaka                               You are worthy to be praised.

______________________________________

Proverbs 3: 5-6

      "Trust in the Lord

  with all your heart

          and lean not

    on your own

               understanding;

  in all your ways

         acknowledge him,

  and he will make

       your paths

                straight."

_______________________________________

"If you stop learning, you die."

                               - Benson

_______________________________________

    "Education is what

            makes the person."

                                                  - Janet

_______________________________________

  "Instead of letting your

brain lead you,

       lead your brain."

_______________________________________

   Last night, I ignored my exhaustion to listen to Benson's storytelling

after dinner. We sat on the balcony, looking up at the brilliant stars...

He began telling us of the period of four years in his life that he lived in

the bush, running from the rebels, the government, and a clan that was

determined to kill his father and his family. 

________________________________________

    "Continuing to dwell on the past is like

riding a motorbike and continuing to look

in the rear-view mirrors while you are going

down the road... you will either kill people,

kill yourself, or end up in the lake.

      Rear-view mirrors are to help you go

forward, not to go back. Focus ahead."

"We only focus

on the past

       to help us

shape our future

       for the better."

_________________________________________

 

      "The prison of the mind

is the worst kind of prison."

__________________________________________

 __________________________________________

"Say few words

and leave

     the rest

for thinking."

___________________________________________

     "The little that you do, do it the best."

___________________________________________

   "There is no cush

for them to say, "I can't"

or "It's too hard..." they

just have to learn to push

through."

             - Bethany

____________________________________________

Esperenze's baby... she is called "God Lives".

      

___________________________________________

   "I think, even if I never see you again,

I will never forget you."

___________________________________________________________________________

April 27th

     Forgiveness is accepting what has happened,

but choosing not to dwell negatively on it. This is

a daily choice to let go of the hurt and pain.

     Forgiveness is not dependant on an apology

or acknowledgement of wrongdoing.  It does not

mean that you become friends or even like that

person. It is not a feeling of friendship, but

rather an extension of grace.

                "I have forgiven myself, and I have even forgiven

           Joseph Kony, even though he continuously causes

           me pain."

_________________________________________________

   This husband beats the wife continuously. She ran away and disappeared.

The eldest child she left was a girl.  The only plant she left was cassava. The

husband was a drunkard.  They could not trace the wife anywhere.  It didn't

take long for the man to lose his job and was forced to stop drinking, because

he could not afford it.  He then took the daughter to the bar and gave her

alcohol and gave her to the bar men to have sex with her, in exchange for

alcohol. It happened everyday. It continued to where they would have sex with

her in the father's own house. Eventually it was the bar men, and the girl's

father.

    Now, I am talking about forgiveness and safety. The girl was sitting at the

house and the father was coming with drunk men.  "Today, sex again? I am tired

of this." She walked with them to the bedroom, thinking "what should I do?" Then

she remembered her mother who had ran away. Then she said, "I have to go to the

bathroom." So they told her to go ahead and to hurry. She walked outside, and she

ran for her life, and went to her mother's friend who took her very far away. She

stayed there for years and met forgiveness. News came that her father was dead.

"Should I attend the funeral, or not?" She said, "I will attend the funeral. There is a

big forgiveness that I have found in my life." She used this word: "I was all the men

who were sleeping on top of me there. It was very painful."

___________________________________________________

    "We no longer consider divisions, because now we are one persons."

                                  - survivor of the Rwandan genocide

          "In this country, the pain is so much,

      that people fall dead from grief."

                                 "The church failed miserably in the time

                          of the genocide. Many church officials and

                          priests aided in the destruction of their

                          congregations. The church is not free from

                          guilt in this."

  "Repentance is a requirement.

Transformation is our calling."

                        "Reconciliation does not oppose justice."

- As We Forgive (a documentary about the reconciliation efforts in Rwanda since the genocide)

______________________________________________________

   

   How can a young man keep

his way pure?

    By living according to your

word.

     I seek you with all my

heart; do not let me stray

from your commands.

     I have hidden your word

in my heart

      that I might not sin

against you.

     Praise be to you, O Lord;

teach me your decrees.

     With my lips I recount

all the laws that come from

your mouth.

      I rejoice in following your

statutes as one rejoices in

great riches.

      I meditate on your

precepts and consider

your ways.

      I delight in your decrees;

I will not neglect your

word.

                   - Psalm 119: 9-16

_________________________________________________

   

  Today was the last day of our training in the Empower program. We watched part of

"As We Forgive," a documentary of reconciliation in Rwanda in our section about

forgiveness.  The boys and girls from the Peace Lives Center came to sing for us...

Oh how my heart leaped with joy when their voices and words reached my ears! Their

smiles and their beautiful eyes stole my heart! We danced and laughed and sang along

with them as Michelle played his guitar.  Oh how beautiful the moment was! After they

finished singing and went outside, each of the counselors got a certificate of completion

in the Empower program, as well as an English Bible. They were so excited!!

    My heart is sad that the time we've all had together in one place is ended. After the

ceremony, we all ate outside together. The boys ambushed Jessie and I after lunch, all

asking questions about America and our families, talking about their passions and dreams,

and wanting us to bring them back to America and pay their school fees.

    Pacifique wants to sing and be an ambassador for peace. He asked that I pray for him

about his future. John speaks English very well and translated for Pacifique and some of

the other boys. They all send greetings to my friends and family in America. The first thing

Celestin wanted to know after introducing himself, was whether or not I was his sister in

Christ. They began telling me of Jesus. I know without a doubt that they know Christ on

a completely other level than you or I could ever experience. 

___________________________________________________

   As the boys swarmed Jessie and I, I realized

that these precious kids just want to be

seen and heard... they have BEAUTIFUL voices

with beautiful words and perspectives to give

 the world. I want to learn how to help them do

just that, through art, poetry, drama, song, etc. 

____________________________________________________

  "You are not like other muzungus I have met..."

____________________________________________________

 "The government of Congo is sleeping." - Taxi Thomas

      I could not have said it any better...  

____________________________________________________

   

   The most beautiful

moments were not

  captured on film

        or by word or pen

because they either

    happened too

       quickly,

or I was too caught up

     in the beauty of the

moment...

_____________________________________________________

  Their language is

so pure. I love to

hear them speak.

It is simple, precise,

eloquent.

_____________________________________________________

   Africa really is

magical... I want

to tell others why-

  the warmth of

the people,

     the richness

of their culture,

  their hopes,

dreams, and goals,

   and those things

that hinder them...

   their songs

and their dances...

      their creativity

and brilliance...

______________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

April 29th

           The sound 

 of the people

     of Congo, 

Rwanda, 

   and Uganda

singing 

   to the beat

of drums, 

     loud and vibrant,

strong and pure, 

   in unison

and in harmony

     shall never 

leave my ears... 

  visions of them 

dancing and clapping, 

     holding back

nothing

     before their Savior,

shall forever

   be etched

into my 

     memory, 

and locked

     safely in 

         my heart.

Their stories, 

     both of 

poverty, oppression, 

   and atrocities that

 you cannot imagine;

       and stories of 

hope, 

    healing, 

          restoration, 

and forgiveness

     I will carry 

with me 

       always. 

______________________________________

I feel 

   as though

I have 

   experienced 

         Uganda

as well as 

  Rwanda and 

           Congo

because 

    I was 

able to 

      meet 

          Benson.

Touching 

     down in 

Entebbe, 

      I feel 

that I am 

        familiar

with the 

    country. 

Oh how 

   I hope I 

can visit 

      soon! 

________________________________________________

   Lord, 

     The needs are

many in Congo...

     help me to know 

how I can help... 

   the wealth 

     of 

        knowledge

I have 

   gained 

over the 

    past two 

weeks 

  has been 

       invaluable.

lead and guide

me...

   show me 

the plans you 

     have for 

me... 

   for Your glory.

Amen. 

_________________________________________

   I am weary from the weight of all the emotions I have felt within 

the past 48 hours... Saying goodbye to Janet, then the boys, then

Joseph, then Janet again, then Didi...sweet Didi... then finally 

Benson... only by God's strength did my heart not explode, nor did

I completely lose it... though I've shed many tears. I refuse to say 

goodbye to my new, dear, dear friends... only a "see you soon,"

for God willing, I will be back as soon as possible. We are now high

above the African landscape... soaking in the last few glimpses until

next time. 

   See you again soon, Africa. 

         You will always have my heart. 

____________________________________________

I felt so alive, and at 

home in Africa, so now I feel 

like I'm away from home. 

My heart took off years ago 

to take residence in Africa, so of 

course I felt at home there.  

It refused to come back with me, 

so Africa continues to hold my 

heart hostage. I hope to return 

soon!

____________________________________________