Friday, December 7, 2012

Learning from my 18 yr. old self...



Last night I was organizing some of my stuff that had been in boxes for months. I probably have 50 notebooks and folders that I've written and doodled in over the years. I felt like I'd come across a
time capsule.

I came across a notebook that I had written a note in the first couple months of my freshmen year of college. As I read through it, my 18 year old self inspired me and reminded me of what I truly value at my core.


    "I have so much dwelling deep inside of me. So 
many ideas, so many passions that I feel like I 
might explode! There are so many directions I want to 
go in, so many places I want to see, so many cultures 
I want to experience, so many needs I want to fill! 
What am I going to do with my life? I haven't a clue... 
I want to see people come together... I want to 
see true community, people loving each other, helping 
each other, living life together... living peaceably 
with all... working to better our environment and 
our world... spreading Christ's love to those who 
will accept it. I'm going crazy trying to figure 
out this whole life thing! I refuse to fade into the 
background, to settle for the ordinary, the mundane... 
I refuse to ignore this sense of purpose screaming 
inside of me. I want to make a difference in my 
world, here, close to home, and far, far away. I want 
to show people the beauty of life, how beautiful 
our world is, how beautiful people really are... how each 
person has something unique to share, to contribute to the 
world. If only people would realize this, our world 
would be transformed. 
So what now??" 

  This is just one of many notes that I found that capture snippets of the growth I've
experienced over the years. It caused me to start reflecting on the different stages/times
in my life, and all the ways God has carried me through each of them.

I have been reading through the Psalms right now, and this morning I came to Psalm 71:

In you, Lord, I have taken
refuge; 
let me never be put to shame.
In your righteousness, rescue me
and deliver me;
turn your ear to me and save me. 
Be my rock of refuge,
to which I can always go;
give the command to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
Deliver me, my God, from the 
hand of the wicked,
from the grasp of those who are
evil and cruel.

For you have been my hope, 
Sovereign Lord, 
my confidence since my youth. 
From birth I have relied on you;
you brought me forth from my 
mother's womb.
I will ever praise you. 
I have become a sign to many; 
you are my strong refuge.
My mouth is filled with your
praise,
declaring your splendor all day 
long.

Do not cast me away when I am 
old;
do not forsake me when my
strength is gone.
For my enemies speak against
me;
those who wait to kill me
conspire together.
They say, "God has forsaken
him;
pursue him and seize him,
for no one will rescue him."
Do not be far from me, my God;
come quickly, God, to help me.
May my accusers perish in 
shame;
may those who want to harm me
be covered with scorn and
disgrace. 

As for me, I will always have 
hope; 
I will praise you more and more.

My mouth will tell of your 
righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long-
though I know not how to relate
them all.
I will come and proclaim your 
mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteous
deeds, yours alone. 
Since my youth, God, you have
taught me, 
and to this day I declare your
marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray, 
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next
generation, 
your mighty acts to all who are 
to come.

Your righteousness, God,
reaches to the heavens,
you who have done great things.
Who is like you, God?
Though you have made me see
troubles, 
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.

I will praise you with the harp
for your faithfulness, my God;
I will sing praise to you with the 
lyre,
Holy One of Israel.
My lips will shout for joy
when I sing praise to you-
I whom you have delivered.
My tongue will tell of your
righteous acts
all day long,
for those who wanted to harm me
have been put to shame and 
confusion.  

  This Psalm helped me reflect of God's faithfulness, and the fact that no matter where I am in life (physically, mentally, or spiritually), He is right there, on the mountain top as well as the valleys. Like a good Father, He is there to catch us when we fall and will love us no matter how silly we are at times. He is the only constant in our lives, and He is Good, Loving, Merciful, and full of Grace.  

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